My first night solo

There are no words to describe my day today.  I know that I am loved and missed.  I know that I love and miss.  As I was thinking about today, I realized that I cannot talk about it.  It is too raw and emotional for me.  But I can talk about a time earlier in my life that had a similar feeling, but without the permanence.  When Angie was pregnant with Jacob we flew out east.  She had a week long conference and I was going to hike the Appalachian Trail solo.  I was very excited and was as prepared as one can be.  I had packed all of the necessary equipment, physically prepared myself for the struggle and thought I knew what I was getting into.  When we arrived in Maryland we took the rental car up into Pennsylvania.  I had a rough idea of where of the AT crossed a certain road.  I would take the trail south through Maryland down to Harper's Ferry.  By the time we had reached PA it was dark and beginning to rain.  We were on a small 2 lane black top road in the middle of nowhere.  I saw the sign for the AT.  Angie pulled the car off onto the side of the road.  My heart was racing as I put on my rain jacket, shouldered my pack and told Angie I would see her in a week.  It was blind faith in my own resolve and preparation that led me into the woods.  As I stepped off the road and Angie pulled away, I was truly alone.  I was homesick, heartsick and scared instantly.  I trudged in for several minutes before finding a place to set up camp.  I knew what to do because Angie and I had done these things together several times, but this was the first time on my own.  I was fine.  I ate a cold supper, had a restless sleep and the next morning I began the journey of a lifetime.  It was a seminal experience in my life.  I look back fondly at every minute I spent on that trail, even that first night.

I have just stepped off the pavement again.  I know I will have a restless sleep.  And I know that I am on a life changing journey.  In this case I don't know what Harper's Ferry looks like, but I know that I have a path to follow.  I got lost at least once on my hike and anticipate that I will feel lost at least once in the coming months.  I believe I have given myself the necessary tools to get through, I am prepared physically and believe I have the map to find Harper's Ferry.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - Lao-tzu