losing focus

I have spent the last couple of years in a fog created by codependency issues, alcohol, and fear.  I started working my way out of that fog in November.  I was shaken to the core when Angie and I decided that we needed a divorce.  I had spent so long trying to control and manipulate and force her to love me that I had forgotten how to be a husband.  I had lost my focus on the only thing that should have mattered.  I had driven a wedge between us and never realized what I was doing until it was too late.  Well, I started to get my shit together in November.  I had finally been hurt enough to force me to look at myself and determine what I was doing.  I began working daily on becoming a better man and father.  I had made pretty good strides thanks to counselling, daily journaling and friends and family.  Then I moved to STL.  I started out strong and focused.  I was doing well on maintaining my progress.  Then I started to lose focus again.  For the last 3 weeks I have been struggling.  I have made poor decisions, bad judgments and treated others poorly.  I feel like I have had another moment or two of clarity.  I have tried to begin to get back on track.  To stay focused on recovery and rebuilding.  I am forgiving myself completely and moving forward.  I am trying to correct a few of those mistakes and apologize to those people.
This is hard.  Harder than I thought it would be.  But I will make it through and I will become a less frustrated, petty and angry man.  I will become a more loving, honest and compassionate father.  I am heading up a hill on a cold and windy day.  I have never been beaten by a run and I will not give up now.